I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
