i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
