I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You ruined the universe
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
