Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
