the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
