he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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