He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
