okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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