my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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