I want to make a zoo with you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
