We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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