just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
