I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
