Cold hands, warm shart.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
