idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
