well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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