You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
