took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
