so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
