I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
