if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
