We're facebook friends in real life
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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