Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
