First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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