i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
