Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
