but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
