My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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