And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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