I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
