what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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