Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
