the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
