it wasn't lemon gatorade
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
