i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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