just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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