Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
