I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
