Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
