My Higher Power is John Stamos
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are the jesus of drinking
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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