i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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