It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
