bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
