There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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