I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
