I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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