yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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