Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
