I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
