Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
