I want to walk on stilts...naked
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
