So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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