So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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