He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
