there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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