how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
