Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
