Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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