I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
