Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
