Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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