Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
