the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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