we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
