So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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