hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
