I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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