I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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