Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
