There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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